When we talk about abusive relationships, the first things that pop up to our mind is usually romantic bonds (husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend). But we often tend to ignore the form of abuse which is inflicted upon us most OFTEN in Desi families particularly – EMOTIONAL ABUSE FROM RELATIVES.
Somehow, it has become such an acceptable practice that it is neither talked about nor treated as something unusual, even when it has the most long-lasting psychological implications.
Coming from a Brown family (which has its pros, of course, we will talk about them later), you are always expected to laugh the body-shaming off, stay silent when your career choices are being subjugated and just not utter a word out of ‘respect’ because the age factor is treated as a privilege – an enabler – to dish out rude comments without being called out.
But you must draw the line and prioritize your mental health.
Yep, no one is going to do that for you. Only you know how it feels, hence, you need to build your boundaries yourself as well. It is not an easy task, but it will keep you sane – for sure.
- RECOGNIZE ABUSE
As I said before, it has become such an accepted practice, that it is even difficult to recognize it. However, there is one easy tip. Simply change the role.
Think, if the person doing/saying this would not have been your family, would you still normalize this behavior? If the answer is no, there – you have a call for action.
- TRY TO BE UPFRONT AND SAY IT
James St. James, a known relationship advisor, says that there are two reasons that can prevent you to speak against familial abuse
- Abuse, in general, is still kept very hush-hush.
- Family members are believed to do no wrong to their kin.
But it is important to speak! If safety allows, try to be upfront and say it. You don’t need to be harsh, but just politely convey that their comments make you uncomfortable and they are not welcomed.
- SELF CARE IS IMPORTANT
Your priorities must be crystal clear, and they are…YOU! It is absolutely imperative to ‘keep your shit together till you make your way out of it’. The ones trying to bring you down want control over you, and you should NOT let them have it.
So while their focus remains on you, yours should be on yourself. Practice little acts of self-care. Pamper yourself. It will keep your feet on the ground.
- BUILD YOUR OWN FAMILY
The family is not a blood bond. The ones who care and show compassion towards you are the ones who truly deserve to be in the category.
”Family full of the people who, when they hear you’ve been abused, will hug you and love you and make sure you’re going to be okay.”
Hence, allow yourself to prioritize those who truly care. Your blood relations are not entitled to the best of you. Invest your energy in those who will be there for you even in the darkest times.
What are your views on this? Share with us in the comments bar below.