“Shaadi Kara do, seedha hojaye ga” – this is a sentence we have all heard at least a handful of times in our lives.
In our society wherever there’s a man who isn’t quite responsible or settled we hear someone say this sentence. Shaadi seems to be considered a magical cure for all issues in life!
It’s very common in Pakistan to raise sons like they’re princes. From a very young age they’re allowed to misbehave because larkey aisa he kartey hain koi baat nai. Many of them grow up rarely ever having to face the consequences of their actions, no matter how big or small their mistakes may be. Then why do we get surprised when these children grow up and don’t want to be a responsible adult? The way people have parented most of their boys have created a society where we have 30 year old children.
When parents of these men are sick of doing their everyday chores, they come up with the magical fix of their situation bahu le ao because haven’t you heard?
Bahu’s are also therapists, they’ll fix your bad parenting in a day!
This norm needs to change.
It is ridiculous to expect someone that doesn’t even know where to put his shoes away to get married and suddenly be “responsible”. You can not impose a wife onto him and think you’ve done your farz and that she can take it from there, that having her around will “teach” him responsibility – bahut jaldi nai yaad aya? If you still need to “teach” your sons basic life skills, they shouldn’t be married.
The worst part is, that the ideal wife for this man will usually be at least 5-10 years younger than him, how do you expect her to over power him to “teach” him how to be responsible? You’re just looking for someone else to take off the burden of doing things for him from yourself onto a girl that probably doesn’t even know what she’s walking into.
Ultimately, this doesn’t work. Don’t worry though, we have a plan B! Babies!
Bus jaldi se potay ki shakal dekha do
Bacha hoga na, baap baney ga, khudi seedha hojaye ga
Now we’ve got a baby in the mix, these babies are usually born without the dad really wanting them. What happens then? The young mother has to take care of their child herself, on top of still having to do all the household work that she was apparently born to do while the new dad is never home anymore, doesn’t help out with the child and barely pays any attention to the wife.
But wait! We can “fix” this too!
Aik Aur bacha karlo, dono mil ke baap ko busy kardein gay
Aaaaand we have baby number 2. But all this baby will ever do is make the father want to stay away even more. The poor wife who’s brought in to fix this man, breaks herself. Eventually their home crumbles.
All this did was instead of having one person who should’ve worked on himself, we have 4 people whose lives are a mess.
We need to wake up, marriages aren’t a fool proof answer to the world’s problems. Women are not rehabilitation centers for badly raised men! Babies cannot glue a marriage together, if it’s not working before the baby, it won’t work afterwards.
We need to start raising responsible children, and the ones that are already grown up need to take care of themselves and survive on their own before they bring a wife and kids into their lives.
No one can “make” someone responsible, you have to do that for yourself. Marriage will not magically fix all your life’s problems and Bad parenting is not something a bahu should have to remedy.